I Survived...Episode 1: Dinner With My Mother-In-Law

This morning I was listening to a radio show where callers would recant their worst mother-in-law stories; the winner would then receive a weekend away with their significant other. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that my mother-in-law doesn't hit on my siblings or gets drunk at every family function then proceeds to lose articles of clothing. However after dinner Friday night, I could use a weekend away with the Man...without his mother.

She was coming in town to attend a women's conference and we invited her out to dinner Friday night. After getting lost in the middle of nowhere and calling for directions (we were no help as we had no clue where Route 18 was -- who doesn't use interstates?!), we finally met up with my MIL and the Man's cousin at a local gas station.

This is a good time to explain just how my MIL works. She has lived in an isolated town in northern Wisconsin for the majority of her adult life. The main attraction is the Jack Links Beef Jerky plant and the closest town is over a half hour away. Needless to say, she doesn't quite understand the social etiquette of someone who has grown up near the city. I was raised to be respectful of my surroundings and act accordingly -- for example, I would spit sunflower seeds and laugh about farts at the campground, not at church. My MIL is who she is regardless of where she is.

So you can imagine my embarrassment when in the middle of Applebee's she shouted "I can't understand what you're saying!" to our Hispanic waitress. I had looked past her disheveled hair and mismatching outfit. I turned the other cheek when she started picking her teeth at the table. But when my MIL started talking about her previous sex life and exclaimed that she used to be a slut, I wanted to crawl under the table and die.

I've concluded that we are just two completely different people from two very different backgrounds. Luckily the Man is not oblivious to his mother's antics and just takes her in stride. Considering she lives over 9 hours away, I should count my blessings that she doesn't live across the street a la Everybody Loves Raymond. That would be a sitcom only suitable for HBO.