Ribs, Roundhouse Kicks, and Carbs

Welp, so much for my low-key, relaxing weekend! I went to my parents' house to celebrate my brother-in-law's graduation, Father's Day, and the end of Hell week (if there was ever a time that I wanted to quit and/or get fired for not following proper protocol at work, it was last Thursday). I was hoping to chill out at home, eat some good food, and maybe play a pick-up game of ultimate frisbee. Instead....

• I managed to get Billy's truck (affectionately known as 'Duke') stuck in 6 inches of mud at the Marley Flea Market. After several unsuccessful attempts involving a bag of sand, a rubber mat, and a blanket, I played the "helpless wife" card and asked two random middle-aged men to help me out. I spent the rest of the morning trying to convince my mom and grandparents that I had everything under control.
• I ate approximately 4, 560 grams of carbohydrates on Saturday alone including (but not limited to) homemade pumpkin pie, a hot dog, popcorn, 4 cans of Pepsi, one small decaf iced blueberry coffee with cream and sugar, half a package of beef jerky, a cheeseburger, cole slaw, two fun-size bags of Doritos, a chocolate cupcake, a piece of chocolate cake, leftover frosting from said chocolate cake, and chocolate chip pancakes. I fell asleep that night in a happy, carb-induced coma.
• After returning to Bourbonnais Saturday night, the leftover cans of Coke sitting in Duke's passenger seat fell out of the box and exploded. Everywhere. Not only is Duke covered in mud on the outside, but he now smells like sweet, syrupy Coke on the inside. Poor guy.
• Billy and I drove back up north Sunday morning, which involved eating toast and Coke for breakfast, discovering that Keifer (my Jetta) had zero oil pressure, an emergency stop at BP for Pennzoil and gum, an impromptu lesson on reading a dipstick, and cutting off a Lincoln Towncar to get to church on time.
• For lunch we went to The Patio to celebrate my mom's birthday/Father's Day. I continued my carb-loading by devouring a half-slab of ribs, cole slaw, french fries, and a roll. Don't judge me.
• After we finally made it back to Bourbonnais, Billy and I decided to treat ourselves to Dairy Queen (more carbs) and watch the season finale of The Ultimate Fighter. Somehow this ended up as an impromptu lesson on roundhouse kicks and flying Superman punches. Good thing I'm the landlord, because otherwise I don't think I would be getting my deposit back.

And now I am stuck at work on this beauteous day while my sister, brother-in-law, and mother are screaming their heads off at Great America as so-called "chaperone's." *sigh* Is it Friday yet?