Buckle up – I’m getting sappy. A bit of background info: I had (have?) a very strong personality and had taken the token role as leader in all of my previous relationships. I was very domineering, which typically led the other person to see things my way, and I fell victim to the feminist worldview that men are weak compared to the intellect and influence of women. No one dared to confront me as I had a quick fuse and an explosive temper to back it up. I was in control and made sure that everyone knew it.
Despite my "anything you can do I can do better" mentality, I wanted someone else to take the reins. I grew weary of being “on” at all times – fearing that any falter would be perceived as weakness. There was this restlessness in my heart; a feeling that there had to be more. I needed more than just a date on a Friday night or a piece of arm candy. I needed a soul mate. Someone who would truly know me – not just the Lauren I would put on display – but the insecure, anxious, impatient, sensitive and fearful me. The Lauren who is afraid of the dark, who cries during The Biggest Loser, who hates spiders, and so desperately wants to meet everyone’s expectations. I needed someone who was ready and willing to take up arms to protect me against the lies of the evil one. Someone whom I could trust without reservation and who would seek the Lord’s wisdom above his own. Someone who would radically change my life.
And that he (He) did. God has used our relationship to draw me so much closer to Him – to seek Him as my source of strength, to trust in His timing, to rely on His provision each day. In Billy, He has blessed me with everything I didn’t know I needed. Billy and I are so much stronger together than we could ever be alone, and we are committed to remain as a team. And it doesn’t hurt that God granted all of this in a pretty darn good looking package. (I need a moment to reflect on His craftsmanship and artistry. Praise ye the Lord. Amen.)
So why did I get married?