Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Call Me Spitfire

No offense, but sometimes it takes more effort to be a "good" Christian than it does to just to be a flawed human being who desires the Lord's will. When life doesn't go according to plan, I'm not the one who remains calm, trusting that God has a reason for everything and knowing that my faith will prevail unscathed. I don't retreat to recesses of my Bible teaching and quietly present my disappointments to God. I can't sit back and watch my plans and hopes unravel, while continuously claiming that the Lord is in control so I don't have to be.

Are you freaking kidding me?!

I may as well be Pentecostal judging by the size and volume of my ranting and raving. Bad news comes and BOOM! I'm lit up like a firecracker on the 4th of July. I yell and cry and scream and throw things and wail and generally cause a big noisy fuss (hence the Modern Day Ramona). This typically lasts between 15-30 minutes or until I either run out of steam or my neighbors are threatening to call the police (which is funny since I'm causing such a fuss to God and really, you can't arrest God). I am a flawed human being who needs to physically act out my disappointment, hurt, and anger. It's much more therapeutic than sitting at my desk and praying for God to heal my heart. And oh boy, does He hear it!

In the end though, I come to the same conclusion that God is still God and I am not. No matter how loud I present my arguments, God always trumps them. He is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do with no help from me. I don't always understand how He works or why He chooses to lead us through the wilderness and it may come out as, "What the HECK ARE YOU DOING!?!?" But I have been through trials without faith, and it's a place I swore I would never return. I'm not giving up on God since He has never given up on me and so I will trust that He knows what He's doing.

But that doesn't mean I can't cause a big noisy fuss along the way.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

You know, the good news is that I can't think of single person in the Bible who quietly demurred to everything that happened to them. David wrote some intense Psalms that asked some intense (and pointed) questions. Jacob flat out wrestled with God. Shoot, even Jesus sweat blood as he prayed in the garden. So, basically, your ranting and raving at God makes your walk with God that more real and authentic because you aren't afraid to dig deep. And, He always stands the test. :)