Once a year my mother goes through what I call a "fit of ruthlessness" where she decides to purge her house of unnecessary nick knacks, documents, food, and people (glad you made the cut, Dad). Recently, she has had each of her kids go through the boxes and bins of various keepsakes and throw out whatever doesn't fit into one Rubbermaid container. Saturday was my turn. While rifling through the many Sunday school art projects, homemade jewelry, Read It! buttons, report cards, and Mickey Mouse ears, I found the greatest treasure of all: my daily journal from 1st grade. Decked out in typical 90's colors (aqua and purple) and covered in puffy stickers ("U-R Great!"), this torn up and worn out Stuart Hall notebook was the threshold of my writing career.
Before I shamelessly share some of the highlights, let it be known that I graduated magna cum laude with a bachelor's in English and Literature. I studied literature theory and writing at Oxford University. All of my reading/language/writing standardized test scores from 1st grade through high school exceeded the national average. I'm not saying this to toot my own horn; it simply adds to the irony. And so, with no further ado, I present my humble beginnings. Enjoy. (Translations are provided as necessary.)
August 27th, 1991 - First Day of School
I was nrfis. (Sound it out.)
September 26th, 1991 - National Milk Day
milk com's frm a cow and milk is good for you. you dan't haf to drrek milk bcos you can get it in a ic cren and yogt. (I wish I could include my sketch of a cow. Apparently, cows have fangs.)
September 27th, 1991 - What's Your Favorite Cereal?
I like crel.
I like difft kos of crel like loke crms and coco pofs and froody peps.
(sketch of coco "pofs" box)
and I like bred.
October 3rd, 1991 - Your Guess is as Good as Mine
wric I love it.
It is wody it it is grt!
October 21-22nd, 1991 - Astronomy Lesson
The moon vrbat arwd the Earlh.
if The Sun did not shone Thn tre will Be no anmos and no Peplle.
The Etahe revolves orde the Sun and the moon go's orade the ethe.
(Look out, Copernicus!)
December 11, 1991 - Favorite Snow Activity
This is how to buld a snowman.
You maek it of snow.
January 6th, 1992 - New Year's Resolution
My resolution is to do bedr wrck.
March 4th, 1992 - What is Your Favorite Food?
I always have a spgetti. oh no i'm gitting so sqcedtti attac. ah ahah!
April 1st, 1992 - April Fool's!
I like to trik peple on April Fool's.
I like to say what's that on yor shet. I like to say whay do may florrws bring, too.
May 13th, 1992 - Death Day?
My plat died saterday. but I have a new one that is alive.
ahadabird that died.
So you see, God always seems to find a way to keep me humble. Honestly, we got a huge kick out of reading this and I hope you did, too. If you ever get a chance to retrace your childhood, do it. You never know what you'll find.
P.S. I made the mistake of hitting Spellcheck. Jeez o Pete....