News Flash - I'm Brilliant

I've had a rather slow Friday morning at work, so to help pass the time I decided to organize the umpteen documents on my jump drive. While deleting the 14 copies of my resume and my application for Teach For America (a twinge of guilt about that -- I could be teaching English to middle school students in Denver right now), I found all of my notes, outlines, case studies, and essays from my days at Oxford. I began reading through some of the shorter papers -- and by shorter, I mean 10-15 pages -- and came to conclusion that I.Am.Brilliant! More accurately, I used to be brilliant.

Part of me wants to print off my most prized essay, "C.S. Lewis and The Faerie Queene: A Didactic Relationship," and pass it around my office to prove that I am in fact, not just a bump on a log. It's been a long time since I've tossed the "Oxford card" into a conversation, automatically granting me some intellectual merit. Unfortunately, when working in an office, even at a private college, academics tend to take a back seat to computer proficiency and telephone communication skills. It breaks my heart.

I'm not usually one to toot my own horn or pat myself on the back, but sometimes it's nice to remember that my intellect is (or used to be) somewhat admirable. *sigh* Until then, I'll just keep piddling around on my computer, helping people move into apartments, and silently recite Shelley to myself.

Wanted: Mary Poppins

"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and...snap! The job's a game!"

If poor Mary Poppins could see my fiance's bachelor pad, she would sing a VERY different song, I'm afraid. We (more specifically, I) decided that it was time to start cleaning up his place to prepare for the big move in February. I had not stepped foot into his room in months, and had a vague notion as to what I should expect. Before we even walked in the front door, I had to lay down the ground rules:
1.) I am a Weidmann. (Translation: We are ruthless Germans who would throw away our first born children if they didn't serve a practical purpose.)
2.) He is a Jew. (Translation: He keeps EVERYTHING [including semi-used napkins] in thinking that he will somehow use it in his lifetime.)
3.) We must compromise. (Translation: I have the final say.)

When I saw the destruction that lay before me, I knew there would be a whole lot of rule #3 going on. After just an hour and a half, we produced 4 large garbage bags filled to the brim with junk, found an unused $50 gift card, discovered two unopened birthday cards, compiled 5 full bottles of Windex, and unearthed a duffel bag filled with 10 bottles of ProActive solution with the seal intact. I also found countless dishes, a brand new oil filter, one unpaid bill, 3 pocket knives, Newsies, two iPod adapters (but no iPod), and an empty bottle of oven cleaner. Needless to say, it was quite the adventure -- and we still have three quarters of the room left!

What I wouldn't give for a magical nanny...

New Year, Schmew Year

Yep, it's been a long time since I've blogged. And since I am almost three weeks into the new year, and have no desire to go to great lengths of explaining my doings, I will give a bulleted list of the most exciting/stressful/recent/interesting/random facts of my 2009 thus far. Ready?

• After today, I have 39 days left of being officially single.
• After today, I have 39 days before I become Jewish-by-marriage.
• I'm still recovering from a traumatic experience involving a sneeze and my gynecologist.
• "Hey Lauren, can you plan a baby shower two weeks before your wedding?" Sure.
• When minimized, my internet window reads "Blogger: Fart"
• My best friend will be back on American soil in less than two weeks and I get to hear her voice for the first time in almost 9 months.
• Inappropriate jokes among friends are ok. Inappropriate jokes among coworkers, former professors, and your mother are not.
• Always, always, always keep your gas task filled when it's -15 outside.
• Always, always, always keep jumper cables in your car.
• Take advantage of coupons, even if it seems like you're robbing the good people of Hobby Lobby.
• I voted for Barack Obama and shamelessly enjoyed watching his inaugural speech during work hours.
• My fiance and I have started the Total Money Makeover and thus-ly I have not purchased Starbucks in over two days. This is progress.
• I am in complete denial that I will have to share my coveted space with a boy.
• I am in complete denial that said boy will create a significant mess.
• I am guilty of watching lame reality shows including, but not limited to, "Tool Academy," "Mama's Boys," MTV's "True Life," and "Diet Tribe."
• I started running again.
• I quit running. Again.
• I started running again.
• My idea of a good Sunday afternoon read is Ramona Quimby: Age 8.
• "Wanted" is a terrible movie. Don't ever rent it.
• "Baby Mama" is a great movie. Go rent it.
• Yes, I went back and counted all of the bullet points and wrote this one so that they would end in an even number.

So there you have it. Maybe once I actually learn how to use this thing I can post some pictures of my life's progress. But we all know just how on the ball I am....