Thursday, May 20, 2010

Morning Routine

(The Man comes home from work; I am in the bathroom blow drying my hair.)

The Man: I'm hungry, I think I'm going to find something for breakfast.
(He returns a few minutes later in nothing but his underwear and an unidentifiable object. He crawls into bed while eating said unidentified object.)
Me: What the heck are you eating?!
The Man: Leftover bacon I found in the fridge.
Me: Why are you eating bacon in bed?
The Man: It's the warmest place in the house.
(A few minutes later he runs back into the kitchen, returning with an unidentifiable object in a Tupperware. He crawls back into bed.)
Me: NOW what are you eating?
The Man: Leftover monkey bread I found in the fridge.
Me: So you're eating bacon and monkey bread in bed?
The Man: [pauses] Yes.
Me: You know, eating bacon makes you a bad Jew.
The Man: [shrugs] I'm ok with that.
Me: Jesus would be upset. What would he say if he walked into the room right now and saw you eating bacon in bed?
The Man: First of all, I'd be like, 'Whoa, hey it's Jesus!' Then I'd be like.......'Bacon?' You know it's rude to not offer food to guests.
Me: You can't offer Jesus bacon.
The Man: Jesus loves bacon.
Me: Would you invite Jesus to eat bacon in bed with you?
The Man: Yes. Yes, I think I would.
Me: *sigh*
The Man [offering me a piece]: Bacon?
Me: No thanks.

Aaaaaaand scene.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

Please don't ever stop posting these conversations. Ever.