Thursday, January 27, 2011

Conversations With the Man (Part III)

Don't worry, despite all the moving and new job and such, we're still having the most obscure conversations....

The Man [while hanging a poster board]: "I think I may have warmed up this sticky-tac a little too much."
Me: "Is it extra sticky?"
The Man: "Sort of. It kinda has the consistency of the cheese on a Giordano's pizza."
Me: "Wow. That's quite a specific description."
The Man: "I wanted to make sure you could picture it."

The Man [sound asleep]: "Ha ha ha! Oh I have to kill you."
Me: "Honey, are you ok?"
The Man: "They have to go over there."
Me: "Honey, are you sleeping?"
The Man: "No."
Me: "Are you sure?"
The Man: "No."
Me: "Maybe you should go back to sleep."
The Man: "Ok."

[At P.F. Chang's with prospective couple friends]
The Man: "I don't think I'll like anything."
Me: "There are plenty of meat options, spicy meat options."
The Man [to the waitress]: "Can I order this without any vegetables?"
Waitress: "So you just want a plate of meat?"
The Man: "Yes, please."
[30 minutes later]
The Man [whispering]: "That did not fill me up."
Me: "That's because you only ordered half the dish."
The Man: "I want McDonald's."
Me: "Shh! We can swing by McDonald's on the way home if you're still hungry."
The Man: "This is why I like Cracker Barrel. Plenty of food."
Me: "Next time we'll pick the restaurant. It'll be ok. Just shush!"

[WARNING: The following post may be offensive to some readers. It was an amusing, yet very informative and serious conversation. Please don't judge us.]

The Man: "We learned today that the (electronic identification system -- I can't remember the acronym) can be very specific in recognizing physical features."
Me: "Oh yeah? Like tattoos and piercings and stuff?"
The Man: "Well yeah that. And missing parts. And extra parts."
Me: "Missing parts? Like a leg?"
The Man: "Mm hmm. Or a penis."
Me: "Missing a penis?!"
The Man: "Yep."
Me: "Isn't that called a woman?"
The Man: "Not if it's been cut off. There's also missing testicles."
Me: "Yeesh. Is there anything for a missing hoo hah?"
The Man: "No. You can't see a woman's hoo hah. It wouldn't make sense to have it in the system."
Me: "Yeah I guess you're right. Wow. I hope you never have to encounter any of that."
The Man: "There's also extra left, right, and center breast. And extra nipples, too."
Me: "Did you guys specifically look up all of the dirty options?"
The Man: [no answer]
Me: "I am so proud of you."

1 comment:

Christine said...

Laughing. Out. Loud. I'm so glad you shared this with the world.