Subway Follies

The other night I went to Subway to pick up dinner and took my place in line behind an elderly couple and a strung-out, stereotypical white trash man and woman. Little did I know it would be so entertaining...

Sandwich Artist: "Welcome to Subway! How can I help you?"
Old Woman: "I have a coupon. Can I use it on any sandwich?"
Sandwich Artist: "Well, any sandwich except the beefsteak."
Old Woman: "Ok, I'll have the beefsteak."
Sandwich Artist: "You can't use the coupon then."
Old Woman: "But it hasn't expired!"
Sandwich Artist: "I know, but you can't use the coupon on the beefsteak."
Old Woman: "But I want the beefsteak."
(argument continues)

Sandwich Artist #2: "Welcome to Subway! What can I get you?"
Old Man: "I want the new chicken salad."
Sandwich Artist#2: "I'm sorry, but we're out of the chicken salad."
Old Man: "Ok what's in the seafood salad?"
Sandwich Artist #2: "Um, crab meat, mayo, tuna..."
Old Man: "No I don't want that. What's in the tuna salad?"
Sandwich Artist #2: "Tuna, mayo...."
Old Man: "No, I don't want that. What's in the meatball sub?"
Sandwich Artist #2: "Um, meatballs..."
Old Man: "No, I don't want that. What's in the chicken bacon ranch?"
(and so on....)

SA #3: "Welcome to Subway! What I can get you?"
White Trash Woman: "I want a six inch on white."
SA #3: "Ok, what kind of sandwich is it?"
White Trash Woman: [cell phone rings] "Hello? Naw, I'm in the Subways getting dinner you a--hole!"
SA #3: [wide-eyed] "Um, ma'am?"
WTW: [still on the phone] "Well, you tell that sonofab---- that he shouldn't drink so g--d--- much!" [to the sandwich artist] "I said I wanted a FOOTLONG! Dammit these people don't listen."
SA #3: "Um, you said you wanted a six inch."
WTW: "Well, I musta said the wrong thing! I want a FOOTLONG ROAST BEEF WITH EXTRA MAYO! Where's my cigarettes?!"
(and so on...)

SA #4: "Welcome to Subway! How can I help you?"
White Trash Man: "Do you have any vodka?"
SA #4: "I'm sorry, what?"
White Trash Man: "Do you have any VODKA?!"
SA #4: "Um, no I'm sorry. We don't serve that here."
White Trash Man: "Well then forget it. I'm not hungry." [leaves the line]

Only in Bourbonnais...